Love and Intimacy
Posted on | March 22, 2005 | No Comments
“For one human being to love another, that is perhaps the most difficult of all our task, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.”
~ Rainer Maria Rilke
There are many forms of intimacy.
One common form takes place on a daily basis, like how we share common interests or how we care about the same concerns. It can be the history of shared experiences, knowing the other person always understands, cares when you are hurting, knowing the day begins and ends together. Knowing that someone is there and constant. This form of intimacy does not awaken our fears.
Deeper intimacy is one that allows us to put away the masks we wear in the rest of our lives. This is putting away the public face and show our self to the other person. This is to believe we can be loved for who we really are, that we can show our shadow side without fear, that our vulnerabilities will not be counted against us. To be accepted the way you are…
Interestingly enough, this point of intimacy causes feelings of anxiousness and fear. Is it possible that someone could love the real me? When we open up in this way, we can subconsciously let fear rise and the person who we are open to will reflect back to us an image that is mostly usually not to our liking. This can cause anger at first towards ourselves in that we did not live up to the expectations we have of ourselves, then towards the other person for being the mirror of our own self-doubt. This hostility kills the intimacy. Interesting paradigm.
If we dig deeper, there is yet another more form of intimacy that touches us more completely. This is the express of how we feel. This is most evident in the differences between men and woman in how they express and deal with their most intimate inner emotions. The way they speak off all their experiences and how they came to be who they are today, how they have been shaped and the ultimately the toll these experiences have taken on an intimate relationship.
Ask a woman how she feels, she will replay her experiences and the moment and express successfully her feeling. A man will mostly likely follow up with,
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