Love and Intimacy
Posted on | March 22, 2005 | No Comments
“For one human being to love another, that is perhaps the most difficult of all our task, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.”
~ Rainer Maria Rilke
There are many forms of intimacy.
One common form takes place on a daily basis, like how we share common interests or how we care about the same concerns. It can be the history of shared experiences, knowing the other person always understands, cares when you are hurting, knowing the day begins and ends together. Knowing that someone is there and constant. This form of intimacy does not awaken our fears.
Deeper intimacy is one that allows us to put away the masks we wear in the rest of our lives. This is putting away the public face and show our self to the other person. This is to believe we can be loved for who we really are, that we can show our shadow side without fear, that our vulnerabilities will not be counted against us. To be accepted the way you are…
Interestingly enough, this point of intimacy causes feelings of anxiousness and fear. Is it possible that someone could love the real me? When we open up in this way, we can subconsciously let fear rise and the person who we are open to will reflect back to us an image that is mostly usually not to our liking. This can cause anger at first towards ourselves in that we did not live up to the expectations we have of ourselves, then towards the other person for being the mirror of our own self-doubt. This hostility kills the intimacy. Interesting paradigm.
If we dig deeper, there is yet another more form of intimacy that touches us more completely. This is the express of how we feel. This is most evident in the differences between men and woman in how they express and deal with their most intimate inner emotions. The way they speak off all their experiences and how they came to be who they are today, how they have been shaped and the ultimately the toll these experiences have taken on an intimate relationship.
Ask a woman how she feels, she will replay her experiences and the moment and express successfully her feeling. A man will mostly likely follow up with,
Relation: Chapter One
Posted on | March 13, 2005 | No Comments
The miracle of birth is more than just a mere biological aspect of procreation. It is a primordial cry of existence and ultimately that of relation. Relation is the primary experience we are born with, the drive to participate is inherent to the person; in addition, I would also contend that we die in relation.
The baby cries
Relation: Life, Love, Death
Posted on | March 7, 2005 | No Comments
Introduction
This is an essay in an attempt to provide evidence to substantiate the contention that relation is the fundamental beginning of existence. It has been argued that we are put onto the world alone and have to uncover meaning and that we will eventually die alone. In the course of this essay, I will take up the areas of life, the birth rites and the drive for participation, the fundamental role that love plays and finally, the impossibility of the actualization of death. I will argue that since life is relational by nature, it would seem to follow that death is not a ripping away from relation and that is does not occur alone; I will contend that when we die, we die with some type of relation.
The organization of the essay is twofold. The first section will deal with background information. It will lay the groundwork for an understanding of the concepts and languages I will refer to in the second section.
The second section of the essay is a personal analysis of myself as being thrown, as it were, into an emotional situation. I will look at past, current and potential future situations and how relationships have played a key role in my development. I will show the different existential modes of relating to the world that I underwent and I will try to give concrete evidence to my primary contention of the human being as being relational in nature. There will be several portions that may appear to be repetitive in the second part; and by this I hope to achieve several things. I feel the repetitive sections will serve to improve the clarity of the topic and most importantly, it will aid in grounding theory in actual lived experiences. An added advantage in seeing the repetitive information is to see how the human existence is always striving towards the relation; in this, it will become apparent that although I may continue to strive for a relation, I will not or cannot realize this without true authentic feelings and knowing what is a relation. Hope comes in the effort of working towards the relation, the drawing to the other person to become a better person yourself. Once we cut off our desire to relate and build a relation, we die. Not simply a physical departure, but an emotional one that removes the soul from existence. In the search and in the continual efforts to find a relation, it is the philisophical question that longs to be asked: Who am I, how do I define myself, what is my purpose. This journey shows we are alive gives hope. This is my journey.
As a side note. The bulk off this essay was written May 28th, 1987. I am rewriting it in its
Extend yourself
Posted on | March 6, 2005 | No Comments
Life is more fragile than living
Love is more fragile than sharing
Today is more fragile than yesterday
Doing is more fragile than thinking
We are more fragile than I
Lasting Legacy
Posted on | March 5, 2005 | No Comments
It is more important, a greater gift and lasting legacy to affect others in a way to improve their life in a positive meaningful way. When people are better for having known you, your life has meaning.